Back on the mat

I stepped back on the mat last Monday for the first time in nearly four years.

Not just a casual break.

Not time off for rest.

But four years shaped by burnout, surgeries, rehab, and moments where I honestly believed I’d never roll again.

Doctors told me BJJ was over.

My spine had other plans.

And my mind… well, it wasn’t far behind.

But here I am.

Back. Not as the same person—but maybe something better.

I used to push everything: training, work, parenting, life.

I didn’t slow down because I was afraid I’d fall behind.

Eventually, I didn’t just fall—I crashed.

Burnout wasn’t just tiredness.

It was emptiness. Fog. A loss of fire.

It pulled me away from everything I loved—including jiu-jitsu.

I was out of work for a year. I felt like I had lost part of who I was.

Around the same time, my back gave out.

Two previous surgeries for herniated discs. 

Degenerative compression.

Arthritis.

The kind of pain that makes you question whether you’ll ever move freely again.

And the verdict from the professionals was clear:

“No more BJJ.”
“Too risky.”
“Find something gentler.”

That felt like the final nail.

But it wasn’t.

Somewhere in that recovery fog, I started moving again.

Small stretches. Gentle breathwork.

Not to be flexible—but to feel alive again.

Yoga became more than rehab.

It became medicine for my body and space for my mind.

Over time, I didn’t just heal—I learned to listen.

Yoga taught me how to rebuild from the inside out.

Not with force, but with presence, patience, and breath.

It’s what gave me permission to start again.

I became a Yoga teacher.

Not because I wanted a new title—but because I needed to understand healing at a deeper level.

Still… something was missing.

I missed the struggle.

The pressure. The friendships. The honest, sweaty truth of BJJ.

I missed the mat.

And now, after years of stillness and slow rebuilding—I’m back.

Training again. Starting over. White belt mind, blue belt experience.

I’m rolling with my wife, who just started training.

We move slowly. Intentionally. We laugh.

It’s beautiful.

I’m not the same grappler I was four years ago.

I’m slower in some ways, but wiser in more.

Here’s what I’ve learned on the path back:

• The mat is always there—but you have to meet it as you are.
  
  

• Slowness isn’t weakness. It’s sustainability.
  
  

• Pain can be a teacher—if you listen early enough.
  
  

• Rebuilding is an act of strength, not defeat.
  
  

And maybe most of all: You don’t have to be who you were. You just have to show up as who you are—right now.

Maybe you’re injured.

Maybe you’re burned out.

Maybe you’re afraid of starting over, or feeling like you’ve lost your edge.

Let me tell you something:

Your worth is not tied to your belt.

Your value isn’t in how fast you move.

And your story isn’t over.

There’s room for you here—on the mat, in the flow, in the garden of what’s next.

This blog, this channel, this whole space—it’s for stories like this.

For the moments we start over.

For those of us healing, training, parenting, evolving.

I’ll be sharing weekly:

• Yoga for grapplers
  
  

• Breathwork and mindset for burnout
  
  

• Lessons from returning to the mat
  
  

• And how all of this connects to fatherhood
  
  

If you’re on a similar path… walk with me.

Flow. Fight. Fatherhood.
See you on the mat. And in the comeback.